Holding the Light or Holding the Line?

I’ve been pondering this. So many beautiful women that I know are going to the Womens March this weekend. I had an opportunity to go myself, and did not feel a pull to do so. So today I have concentrated on the beauty of things. Of finding things I love and can build on. Of reflecting on what I need to do from now on.

What comes up is holding the light, of holding the line. And an analogy appeared….of cleaning house.

Today is Inaugaration Day in the US. We’re cleaning house. But not in the way that many of us have been focusing on. I am not talking about a political house cleaning, but an energetic one. Something that is far older than the current divide that we have.

In searching for what I needed to be doing about all this upcoming change, I looked at the different ways to take action, and kept coming back to “Holding the Light” Holding the space for the light to shine and light everything up.  When I am cleaning my house, I turn the lights on. It’s much easier to find all the cobwebs, and dirt and areas that need more attention. With the lights off, it’s not so apparent. Things can easily be overlooked under cover of dim lighting.

When I’ve been cleaning a really dirty area, I tend to keep the doors shut, so that I don’t spread the grime around. That’s a way of holding the line.

And then there’s the professional housekeeping crew…with all their knowledge of the best ways to clean the microwave, or the windows, or the best products to clean various things.

So what happens if we take this analogy to the US…to who we are, who we want to be, and who needs to do what? Are we united as a community and country BEFORE we are an individual, or are we an individual BEFORE we are a community/country? Or can we be both? Can we ALL want the country to be a better place and approach this from different angles?

I was given the analogy of light holder/line holder/housekeeping crew. We are all a member of the bigger community wanting our country to thrive, AND  we are individuals with different strengths and talents that we can use to help move us forward collectively.

We are in the process of turning the lights on. Of seeing the mess for what it IS, not what we think it is. Also for seeing what is already good and not needing  tending. Lights on help us to see what we have in common.

We are in the process of holding the line, not letting the dirt, the grime and  lack of connection to one another spread. There are so many great examples of holding the line out there. If you are a line holder, you are doing an important task!

We are starting the process of cleaning the house. The American House. And there are many different crews on site, and they don’t agree on how to do this. Do we work to help all people?  What works to raise us all up? Is it community building, economy building, something else?

So I ask you to decide: are you a Light Holder? A Line Holder? Some of the Clean up crew? Do you have a strength in finding solutions for tangled situations? For me…I am a LIGHT HOLDER. And when called to, will help as a line holder, or clean up crew. But my strength is in holding the light.

If this sparks some ideas for you, I’d love to hear them. The solution to our divisions has to come from ALL of us, or we will miss points of view that we haven’t seen/heard yet.

Choosing to focus on the bright side

Lately I have been feeling morose, grumpy, grouchy… And in physical pain. I could go on, but choose to look at the bright side. And I’m realizing it’s also ok for me to acknowledge when I am feeling less than stellar & sparkling.

I choose to look at the UP side because it feels better.

I was grumbling about not being home, people telling me what to do, the house being torn apart, just being exhausted.

Ok. So now that I’ve acknowledged that & felt it… I can choose to check out the other options: excitement over the vacation I just took, the amazing trees we saw, meals on the beach & wild things swimming or floating in the ocean as we motored nearby on a boat.

I have a friend who kept parroting at me to look at the bright side/ be happy! ( which at that point made me want to hang up on her, as I was actually enjoying a little bit of wallowing at that moment!)  and— she’s right. What do I want to focus on & therefore make more of? I could tell myself she was being bossy, or I could tell myself she loved me & was trying to remind me of something I already know: what I focus on will grow. ( And I don’t want to grow any grumpier!). Hmmm. What a choice.

I’ve been cleaning/emptying closets for 3 days & my body is feeling the extra strain. Instead of focusing on that, I am grateful for the strength I have to do this task & for the finances that will enable us to pay for the new floors going in the kitchen, dining room & all 3 closets. I can’t quite picture what it will look like, but I know in the end I will be thrilled to have floors that are no longer black with age & water spots:)

Since I won’t be able to stay in the house once stain & sealers get applied, I have the opportunity to catch up with leisurely pursuits instead of working. Depending on where we go, there might be a hot tub—& that can be enjoyed!!! And when things are all  back together, my kitchen/ dining area will already be set for when company comes!


Gentleness as strength

My strength lies in my gentleness. My willingness to be tender, to see the best in every conversation, every interaction.

I try to not judge, but do catch myself at times. Because I come from this place, when I run into harshness, I do react, and it takes me a bit to come back to non judgment.

Recently, I was put into a position between two opposing points of view: one about wanting to be/ do the best job possible & one honoring the heart, soul & needs of another. I chose heart over excellence…..because we all rise together when we care for each other. I do not want to stand alone on a mountaintop, I want to be part of a chorus that creates magic together.

But how to be kind to the part that wants to  strive for excellence? I recognize that part & thank it for its point of view & focus on the bigger perspective: that kindness & compassion MATTER. That without them, no one gets to soar.

Finding my feet again

The last months have been a roller coaster. The energies that are bombarding the planet, the energies of grief/fear & anger from various things happening around the globe, they all have been affecting me.

At first I could not understand why my mood plummeted after things had felt so much better. But…gradually I came to understand that I was feeling the waves of grief from the terrorist attack in Belgium, and then in Pakistan…and …I choose not to list all the horrible things that we can do to each other as humans. But…I felt them. I was affected by them, even thousands of miles away.

I finally realized that I could ask myself how much of this is MINE? How much of this is an energy I can help to transmute, to help the world to become a better place.  And that’s when I asked for Divine Assistance, and have continued to do this over and over…for big things, and for small things. I certainly know how to work with my own emotions, but I could not solve the sadness that way when it was not mine, and recognizing that was a huge key towards my energy rising again;)

If a friend has an issue with their child, and asks for prayer, or help, I turn it over to a Higher Power, and ask to be inspired if there is something else I can do. If there’s a natural disaster, I turn it over, and I ask if there’s something else I can do.  And I trust that the things I feel called to work with are the best things for me. Other folks will be called to other people/traumas/issues. Its beautiful the way that works.

And the American election cycle is stirring up all kinds of other emotions, deep fears from just about everyone I talk to, or read their posts, or listen to them ranting to another person….I choose daily to not interact with the fear and the anger that is being stirred up.

I CHOOSE to vote from my heart. To place my energy where my HOPE is. Where my FAITH in humanity is. To ask that a Divine Power help guide us to the best results. I choose to take the path that feels it will serve the most of us well.  There is room for EVERYONE to THRIVE. So I do not spend time worrying about the people whose hearts seem closed, I simply expand my love and include them. I send LOVE to the process and know that it will work out well for all of us. That love feeds a positive outcome for us all. My fear would just feed a fearful outcome, an outcome I don’t choose. So I choose LOVE. And HOPE. And I encourage you to do the same, wherever your heart leads you!!!!




Self support/care


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It’s time to take care of myself. After this past year, I had forgotten how to do that. So this week, I scheduled some time for me. Just for me. No one else to take care of, no one else to put before me, no other things to derail me from self care.

And after just 2 days of paying attention to my own needs, my joy is coming back, my creativity is coming back, and new energy ideas are flowing again. My “I just can’t get out of bed” feeling has lifted!

I can see where the next applications for my matrix repair work/cocoons, and other structures are headed and it is very exciting, and very humbling.

I have had folks who do not believe in energy work benefit from cocoons placed around them for surgery. (With their permission) and they FELT it. Literally FELT the hug and the support for them while in such a vulnerable and frightening point in their life. And they are healing well;)))

I created a healing team for my husband. My friend was on it, and found that when he was having his surgery, the best thing she could do was to support ME, as I was supporting him…. and so she cocooned me, and I felt it like a hug, like a lifting of responsibility, and a sharing in a really heart centered way. I am so grateful to my friend for doing that……

To me, the cocoon is an energy structure that is the scaffold for all the support people to come together. It can hold my loved ones, the medical personnel, anyone else that is connected in terms of the issue at hand. (In this case, my husbands surgery, and all the medical and energy healers that were working to help him heal from his surgery) The cocoon does not judge, does not direct, does not actively do anything. It simply is a structure that holds all the folks that are the support for the person in the center of it. It does enhance communication between all the beings involved, whether on a concrete actual conversation level, or on an “I felt moved to do this” and it complements something someone else is doing….and the center of the cocoon is sacred space. Sacred and inviolate. The person in the center of the cocoon has this space to decide what to do, when to do it, how to do it, without interference of any kind. And if they are inclined to believe in a higher power, I do believe it makes it easier to connect to that, as the day to day interference is removed.

I have seen some truly amazing things come from cocoons, and now I am turning them in my own direction and using them for me. And….its amazing how much happier I am today, now that I have realized that I am part of the equation, that my life and my needs are equally important, and I need to put my needs first in my life.

Not to say that I will never put another first, but I am SO MUCH in that pattern of thought/behavior, that I am forcing myself to take care of me first, and then I will have more to give to others later.

And I do feel that if I can successfully change this pattern, I will have much more to offer to the world, and in bigger ways, even if I am still behind the scenes in what I do.

I’m open to hearing ideas about self care/self support! What do you do to take care of yourself? Do you struggle with this too, or is it easy for you?

Reflections on Grace

My guides say that Grace is…letting the Divine assist. Letting the Divine direct. Letting the Divine support. Trusting. It is not about deserving anything. It is about allowing miracles to flow.

What does that mean to me? Being in my most loving self, letting the tough stuff roll on by me, keep looking at things with the eyes of love and keep on moving forward, inch by inch, millimeter by millimeter, if needed.

The past 9 months have been a time of Grace. Brads illness started being very apparent last April. He had increasing amounts of pain and discomfort, which were disrupting his daily routines.

Being empathic & not all that superb about my boundaries at that time, I started picking up symptoms & not feeling well myself. I had to quickly learn how to stay clear of picking up his pain. It does not help anyone to drown with them. Better to be poolside, tossing in the life preserver, than to be sinking with them.

I learned that I could detach, in a loving way, from what he was feeling & support him emotionally & physically in ways that WOULD support him towards health. Making smoothies packed with nutrients, creating support systems (energetic/homeopathic/nutritional), helping with other things. I created a cozy nest for us, a home away from home. I wrapped my life & skill set around him, cocooning him in love & support.

I kept seeing him as whole & healed. I kept seeing the surgeons being thrilled with the outcome & amazed at how quickly he healed, how few complications there were…

We moved to Minnesota for awhile, where my support gradually expanded & deepened, as his course of treatment took more & more out of him, & more support was needed. He learned to trust me (I learned to trust me~~~I am stronger than I think!) & leaned into my support instead of needing to do it himself. I am very aware that I have shared this trait of “I’ll do it myself” & it was a challenge for me to allow others to assist and support me.(that’s what happens when you are the oldest child & we are both the oldest child. Makes for an interesting marriage, 35 years so far!)

I DID learn to reach out and be supported. I had a whole network of friends & colleagues sending me love, prayers, energy & healing. They provided sounding boards, a place to vent my feelings, & warm nudges to take care of myself during this time. I amazed myself with the compassion & love I felt almost all the time. I had very little crankiness, fussiness or fidgets!

We had visitors from out of state at our temporary home, & those visits were a wonderful thing. I played with my quilting at other times, while he rested, napped or watched tv. I made nutritious meals, playing with the Vitamix and seeing just how much nutrition I could pack into a meal! I worked out…& it helped me handle the stress this put on me to be so far from my home, my work, my friends, our dogs & supports there.

His surgery days were the true examples of Grace under pressure. I supported him with my love & the healing team. I set up a matrix around him, a cocoon of healing, and the healers I had gathered on his behalf did their work, and the matrix held it all in his field, allowing him to be in sacred space during it all.

I set it up & then I sat back and let the team support us both. I could feel the support of all my lovely friends & colleagues while he was in surgery. It was like being held in a warm embrace. Twice. The first time was a procedure needed to make the main surgery go better. I was peaceful that morning. Our middle son was with me as we waited. Brad spent the night in the hospital & came home the next day, That was deemed a very, very successful surgery.

9 days later, he had the main event, which took 13 long hours to accomplish. His team of surgeons were amazing, communicating with each other, and with me, dancing around the operating table and making sure that they were able to clear everything that needed clearing, without damaging anything else in the area. They were truly a godsend.

Again, I was totally calm & peaceful. I could feel the cocoon of support from the team of healers!  Again, my middle son was there & this time, my husbands sister Sally. Their help on the ground was so needed…& I was able to say yes to some very big things. Things like, ” mom , go home, go get some sleep. I can stay with Dad tonight” and a night or two later, Sally doing the same thing. They both knew that they would be leaving after a few days. I went home & slept hard those nights. I was ready to take night shifts by the time they left.

While he was recuperating, I was able to do some hands on things…Reflex-olo-chi, matrix work, massage….. doing these things brought me back to myself, to do what I love, and helped him feel better!

I am truly grateful that I chose to get fit and healthy when I did. My lack of knee pain, and increased strength and resilience were really needed for all this time. And I could count on my body to do all the extra work I was asking of her! I was getting prepared even before we knew there was an issue. I am sure that I was Divinely guided in this.

He’s been out of the hospital since November, & the road has had some curves. The trend is a healing one, and we may be reaching the home stretch now. It’s funny to see my life shifting to an easier place, after so many months of things getting narrower & more focused.

So where are we now? Brad has just had his first morning back at work in over 3 months, and it went well! The light is getting brighter, our world is starting to expand again!

So tell me, what is YOUR understanding of Grace, and what is YOUR experience of it? I am well aware that my definition is mine, & colored by the world I live in, and the people I am surrounded by. Love is part of Grace. A huge part of it…..I wish blessings to all of you and an overabundance of LOVE~~~if there is such a thing!

Trusting that all is well, despite what my eyes, ears and other senses may tell me

2016 is looking like a brand new adventure. 2015 was a challenge. My husband has been dealing with a health crisis, and despite what it appeared at the time, all is well, all will be well, and the surgeons, doctors and nurses feel as if they have witnessed a miracle.

My husband and I refused to consider that his situation would end up in anything less than a cure. We focused our faith and our energies on everything that supported that. And that is what we have now. What others consider a miracle, we know was there, just waiting to be uncovered.

So, I challenge all of you, in 2016, to trust that all is well, despite what your eyes, ears, or other senses may tell you. What good does it do to worry and add energy to a possibly negative result? If we had given that any energy, we would have had a vastly different outcome (even the choice of surgeon/hospital would have been different)

This challenge is for anyone who breathes. Do you or a loved one have a health concern? Try envisioning health, and see how much it helps for health to come back into the picture.

Is the world in chaos? Try envisioning the peace and healing that will be there after the chaos settles, and trust that you and your loved ones will be cared for and exactly where you need to be!

Faith is as tiny as a mustard seed, and just as powerful. A mustard seed has the strength to move rocks when it sprouts. So too, does your faith in good things, faith in love, faith in health and peace.

We create the world we live in, either by adding to the stresses by being stressed, or adding to peace,  by being peaceful. I choose to be as loving as I can, as positive as I can, and as accepting as I can.

What do you want to create this year? I am committing to blogging more frequently with a goal of at least once a week within a few months.

Charging up my batteries

I just came back from a life affirming weekend. I spent a long weekend with like minded people, hiked up part of a mountain and had some life changing conversations.

I was surrounded by women who had major losses, and others who were finding who they were in other ways. We all supported each other over the weekend, whether with words, or listening ears, or literally, a hand up. This is a group of women I met online through my fitness group, and I can say they were even more fabulous in person!

I attended a talk by Christina Rasmussen, who wrote the book Second Firsts, and she talked about being in the waiting room…and basically got us to look at what would move us out of the waiting room, and into life. Full blown life. And I realized I was waiting. Waiting for who? Waiting for what? Waiting on me……

I realized I hadn’t blogged in quite a while, had been stalled with a new song, and had been totally wrapped up in a loved one’s health issues, to the point where I was not living my life. I needed some balance and some perspective.

I promised Christina (& myself!) I would dust off my music, and start blogging once a week. And so I begin again.

Life is not a straight line. Sometimes things happen that slam you down into a valley. And then its time to start climbing back up the side of the mountain. When you have companions, it’s a bit easier. You still have to use your own two feet, but you have encouragement and company on the journey.

I have learned to let my companions in on my journey. I used to really be an “I’ll do it myself” kind of gal, and now I am letting the love and support in much more. And it’s making me feel much lighter emotionally.

Learning to stay in the moment, and not look too far down the path was another thing that kept coming up. If I looked too far in the distance, I was likely to slip on gravel, or trip on a rock. And….I got to see some very cool trees and hug them, by staying present and accounted for.

There were gusts of wind, up to 40 miles an hour, near the summit. I had to plant both feet to keep from flying away…and then when it died down, I kept on walking.

I did not make the summit. And I am not sorry. My body was talking to me, and I listened. I have a tendency to let my head run the show, and it was saying “you don’t want to be left behind, you don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t summit, you don’t want to quit” My decision to turn around was based on something else. My knees and hips were hurting, and not a muscle achy thing, but a joint thing. If I had continued, I would have hurt myself, and now is not the time for me to be injured.

I have a wedding to dance at in just a few weeks, and a loved one I need to be strong for. Summiting a mountain can wait until next year. I felt the power of that mountain while I was on it, and I call it a win, that I listened to my body and did as SHE asked me to do. I feel strong and empowered and full of love right now.

So what are you waiting for? What have you set aside, or tucked under your pillow for another day? When are you going to pull it out, dust it off, and play? I’d love to hear from you!

A few empathic AHAs



I have known I was empathic since I was young. Things would affect me in ways that didn’t affect my friends. Over the years, I have learned not to look at graphic pictures or videos, or the newscasts. I am very picky about what movies I go see, and many of the Oscar nominated ones are too violent or heart wrenching for my sensitive nature.

AHA #1 My ability to use energy, share, soothe, etc that comes from being empathic, FAR outstrips what my physical body can tolerate. This looks like depression, withdrawal, exhaustion, illness, weight gain……and you know what? I want to feel good! So…it’s up to me to monitor how much I “spend” energetically, and how much I “have” physically.

My clean diet has made me more physically energetic, and exercise has made me much stronger, and weight loss also has made me feel better, as I am not weight lifting those 60# gone on a 24/7 basis. However, without realizing it, I was taking on more and more energetically and not feeling well! My weight loss stalled because I had no energy to cook, work out, or even live a normal life.

I’ve chosen to use my skills for healing, and in many ways: people, animals, earth…. I didn’t know that I could have varying degrees of openness. I thought I either had to have shields UP or DOWN. I hated having them UP because it made me feel numb and not myself. So I refused to deal with my “boundary issues”. I am realizing that is not the whole story here!

In comes AHA #2: I have more options! So does anyone else who falls on the empathic scale (and most of us have some ability here) So I am playing with the idea of a range of possibilities:

Being wide open is the equivalent to being outside in the fresh air, open to whatever blows through the wind.

Less buffeted by the winds of emotion would be inside my house, windows wide open, during the first warm days of spring.

The next level of receptivity seems to have 2 options. I can choose to “flip a switch” and make the windows opaque to whatever amount I choose OR close the curtains to whatever degree feels appropriate.  Both are options in my bag now.

Circling the wagons, becoming much less receptive can mean closing the window.

And then throwing the OFF switch, putting UP hard boundaries, is more like putting myself in a room with no windows. I see times when this is appropriate, but for me, they are rare. (like Tornados, or an energy equivalent)

I already feel better, having closed down to windows open, drapes partially drawn~~~energetically & metaphorically speaking!

AHA #3 I am retiring from the role of Peace Maker, and taking on the role of Diplomat. I used to try and make peace between people who were having difficulty with each other, by soothing each one individually and trying to point out a different way to view things, in the hopes that they would come to some kind of peace with each other. This started in EARLY childhood for me.

Time to move on to Diplomat, standing neutral to all parties, refusing to get caught up in their issues, having compassion for their hurts, but not getting involved actively. Simply witnessing what is happening, and not participating. And it seems to work well, because everyone gets to work things out in their own way. When I was young, I was working with other children. I’m an adult now, and other adults CAN & DO work things out without my input.

As a sidenote here: I am having to deal with feelings guilt/shame from stepping away from helping folks as a peacemaker, and in other ways. I have always been very responsible. I have read it and read it, and not done it….Responsibility is the ability to respond. It is NOT A MANDATE.

There are several things that are helping me let go of this pattern

1) My body is screaming at me that I am doing TOO much! I need BALANCE.

2)The person experiencing (whatever it is) needs it for some reason.  This falls in line with not helping UNLESS asked. They really will be ok!

3) Maybe this is someone else’s place to step in. I am NOT alone…although I have a tendency to think I have to help anything I notice, without realizing that others may be already doing so!

4) A job shared is much easier, so working in tandem with others is a good thing.

So for now, this empathic chick is going to focus on these 3 AHAs:
Energy can be spent too fast for physical comfort
There are many options for toning down receptivity
Diplomatic training follows Peace Making in my life

I will stumble, but I bet I will be stronger and happier for it!

And you? Do you have any of these issues? Or questions about what happens in your life with energy? We’re in this soup together, lets chat!